Talk To Your Spouse About Money: 6 Expert Tips And 9 Conversation Starters

Secrets can undermine a relationship quickly—especially when the secrets are about money. Even so, recent data suggests 28% of spouses hide purchases from their partner, and 21% have never discussed debt with their significant other. The numbers come from a survey Western & Southern Financial Group conducted in December 2024.

Given the global economic turmoil sparked by back-and-forth tariff announcements, now’s a good time to reveal those monetary secrets to your life partner. If the U.S. falls into recession and your household income changes, undisclosed debts and spending habits will be hard to hide.

Have those necessary conversations about money with your spouse calmly and confidently, using these expert tips and conversation starters. All expert recommendations were taken from interviews.

1. Schedule The Conversation

Sensitive conversations about money are best handled on low-stress days when you and your spouse are relaxed. Yes, you risk breaking the day’s vibe if the interaction goes badly. But you have a better chance of having a productive talk, which lays the groundwork for healthy household finances.

Stevie Blum, licensed psychotherapist and relationship specialist, recommends scheduling the money conversation in advance. "It’s essential that both parties feel calm and regulated to ensure the conversation proceeds as smoothly as possible," Blum explains.

Things you can say:

• I know this topic is uncomfortable for us, but I think it's important we get better at discussing it. Contributed by Blum.
• I want to talk to you about our finances, and I want this to feel like a collaboration. Contributed by Blum.
• Can we carve out some time to talk about how we want money to feel in our lives? Contributed by Dorcy Pruter, CEO and founder at Conscious Co-Parenting Institute.

2. Check Your Mindset

Whether you’ve been hiding money secrets or you think your spouse is, managing your mindset is critical when discussing financial topics. Dr. Karen Stewart, sex and relationship therapist, says too many couples default to the blame-and-shame game when their money habits differ. This only creates more conflict.

To avoid lashing out, Stewart recommends a self-reminder that your spouse is a teammate—not an opponent. Tapping into your own curiosity also helps, according to Sejginha Williams-Abaku, licensed marriage and family therapist. Look to understand your spouse’s opinions and ideas about money, not judge them.

Things you can say:

• I want to understand your thoughts on this. Can we share openly? Contributed by Williams-Abaku.
• Thank you for sharing that idea. Can you share the thoughts behind your desire or conclusion? Contributed by Williams-Abaku.

3. Know Your Why

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If you are initiating the money conversation, think deeply about your motivations beforehand. Maybe you want to confess a money secret, but there is probably more to it. You might be worried about meeting long-term financial goals. Or, you might be dreaming of taking a once-in-a-lifetime adventure around the world with your spouse.

Camille Tenerife, licensed marriage and family therapist, recommends sharing that underlying motivation—or fear—with your partner. In this way, you use a tough conversation to deepen your connection. "You get to understand each other better," explains Tenerife.

Things you can say:

• I would love for us to take a trip this year, but it will require us to cut back on eating out. Contributed by Shawnessa Devonish Ford, licensed psychotherapist and relationship specialist.
• I've been feeling overwhelmed about our finances lately. Can we check in on where we are with things? Contributed by Dr. Emma J. Smith, licensed professional counselor.

4. Be Curious About Money Values

Values and beliefs create money habits. Ronald Hoang, couples counselor and family therapist, says this is why couples often get stuck in financial arguments. "They think they’re arguing about spending and saving, when they are actually arguing about values and beliefs," Hoang explains.

Pruter agrees. She explains, “Money is never just about money. It’s about safety, choice, power, and legacy. And when couples learn how to talk about it consciously, they start healing far more than just their finances.”

Acknowledge that you and your spouse may have different views on money, and those views may be deeply ingrained on both sides. Be open enough to share your money values and curious enough to explore your partner’s.

Things you can say:

• I want to understand what money brings up for you . Contributed by Pruter.
• Would you be open to us discussing our past experiences and interactions about money/finances? I think this could help us learn more about each other perspectives as it relates to talking about money." Contributed by Dominique Barnes-Walker, clinical training director and assistant professor at Adler University.

5. Establish A Timeout Signal

Williams-Abaku recommends creating a timeout phrase with your spouse before beginning money conversations. The phrase can be anything neutral, like " I smell roses " or “ let's order pizza .”

If the conversation gets too emotional, either of you can call for a pause with the timeout phrase. Remember to agree on a time to revisit your talk.

6. Schedule A Periodic Check-In

Smith and Pruter encourage couples to schedule monthly or weekly money conversations. Regular discussions build trust and normalize money as a topic. Split the time between practical topics and dreamy ones. You might cover budgets and spending first, then transition to your financial successes and long-term goals.

Talk To Your Spouse About Money Today

Managing household finances is a team effort. Learning to talk openly and honestly about money with your spouse or partner is the first step. With a strong communication practice, the two of you can tackle the biggest money challenges, from debt paydown to funding retirement. Fully aligned, you and your spouse can create a wealthy life you love.

By Catherine Brock, Contributor