Presence Not Presents

There are plenty of reasons why the holidays are stressful. It’s so prevalent in our culture that last year, the New York Times published " How Actually to Enjoy the Holidays." Starting as early as October, the media starts sharing tips for decorating, hosting festivities, preparing lavish meals, and giving gifts. Advertising depicts joy-filled family gatherings. If your holidays don't fit these images, you may feel like you have failed because it looks like everyone else is having a Norman Rockwell experience happening in their home. It seems like everyone is happy.

However, this advertising-based approach is selling you a reality that doesn’t actually exist for many people. We live in a social media, picture-perfect culture, and there is an opportunity here to refrain from judging a book based on its cover and try not to compare. In reality, many, if not all, people have social obligations, gift-giving woes, family tensions, travel challenges, and financial concerns, which are just a few examples that can make holidays challenging.

The truth is that life is overwhelming and often unpredictable, especially during the holidays:

• Schedules are chaotic.
• Office parties and blended families can be awkward.
• Family feuds seem unavoidable.
• The pressure of gift buying creates financial strain.
• Social media shows us that other people are having way more holiday fun.

However, " Dr. Ken Duckworth, medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, shares that many holiday gatherings with family and colleagues are supposed to be joyful and stress-free; however, more often than not, these relationships are complicated. But that doesn't mean the solution is to skip the holidays entirely."

How To Thrive, Not Just Survive During the Holidays

What can someone do during the holiday season if they struggle with complicated emotions and stress? The first step is becoming self-aware and understanding one's emotional state. Becoming self-aware is about feeling your feelings, not stuffing them, but rather embracing emotions as part of being human. Sometimes, these emotions are heightened during the holiday season, so simply taking a moment and responding versus reacting can save a relationship.

Responding provides time and space for the person to feel the emotions as part of being human and then choose the next step. It allows more time, clarity, choices, and taking responsibility for the outcome. Responding also allows you to recognize your overall personality, including strengths and weaknesses, thoughts and beliefs, emotions, and sources of motivation.

This is what being emotionally aware means: having a level of understanding and self-awareness of one's own emotions and can put words to their feelings. People with heightened social awareness understand the consequences of their emotions and how they may change and shift over time.

Learning about your self-awareness or lack of self-awareness is critical in all aspects of life. High self-awareness helps you understand other people's views of you and your actions. Low self-awareness manifests if you fail to identify what emotions you are feeling. The result is more significant conflict, which leads to more negative emotions because you cannot align your choices better.

Know yourself.

To truly be present and understand your surroundings, it's important to develop self-awareness. Simply knowing what self-awareness means isn't enough. The challenge lies in avoiding overwhelming situations that lead to a loss of self-awareness, resulting in impulsive reactions instead of thoughtful responses. Reacting in the heat of the moment is a clear indication that self-awareness may be lacking. Other signs of low emotional intelligence include low self-esteem, which can lead to exaggerated experiences, and blaming others, which reflects a lack of self-awareness. However, by learning more about yourself, you can gain the ability to see yourself objectively and clearly. Self-awareness involves reflecting and introspecting to understand what makes you unique. This deep level of self-awareness can transform the way you interact with the world, empowering you to prioritize your own needs over others' expectations.

The Power of Being Present: Enhance Your Holidays and Improve Your Relationships

Experience the magic of living in the moment and unlocking your self-awareness. Rather than focusing on material presents, embrace the presence of being fully here and now. With the upcoming winter holidays, it becomes crucial to navigate the emotional challenges that may arise. Memories, negative feelings, and difficult relatives can trigger anxiety, depression, and family discord. It's natural to dread certain aspects of the season while eagerly anticipating others. But by shifting your focus towards the positive elements, such as cherishing family moments and embracing seasonal joy, you can start to transform your experience. Cultivating positive thoughts during this season can evoke hope, compassion, joy, empathy, generosity, and forgiveness, ultimately changing your life.

We all know that holidays don't always go as planned, leading to fights, misunderstandings, and feelings of loneliness. So, what's the solution? Should you give presents or be present? Being present means staying grounded in the present moment, avoiding dwelling on past conflicts or getting lost in future expectations. When negative memories arise, acknowledge and release them. Similarly, when positive memories resurface, treasure them briefly and let them go to fully embrace the present. While this isn't easy, practicing forgiveness empowers you to take control of your thoughts and responses, leading to physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Holding onto grudges only gives others power over your feelings. By breaking this cycle, you empower yourself to be fully present in every moment.

Being present allows you to rewire your approach and counteract the things that harm you. Consider the long-held grudge that continues to affect you, leading to depression and anxiety. Holding onto anger only brings unhappiness. It's widely recognized that dwelling on negativity is detrimental to both mental and physical health. So, ask yourself why you hold onto grudges that ultimately hurt you.

If there was a solution to counter all the negativity and suffering, would you give it a try? Imagine if you could improve your work and personal relationships by simply doing the opposite of what you've always done. For instance, when your child cries while you're on a work call, instead of getting angry and yelling, pause, become present, and respond with kindness. Wouldn't that be a much better outcome than having the guilt of scaring your child? Or, if your boss approaches your coworker for information on a project you're leading, rather than becoming angry and confrontational, take a moment outside to clear your head and present an option to collaborate. By embracing actions that differ from your past behaviors, you can experience true liberation. Try these examples in your own life and witness the positive transformation that unfolds.

Try these examples out in your life and see what happens.

Feel Angry, Choose Forgiveness.

Choosing forgiveness brings a multitude of benefits, including healthier relationships, improved mental health, and a significant reduction in anxiety, stress, and hostility. It can even lead to fewer symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, and a strengthened immune system. But that's not all - forgiveness also has positive effects on heart health and boosts self-esteem. Why continue to stew in misery when there's a better solution?

Remember, forgiveness doesn't mean condoning what happened. It's about taking control of your own well-being and letting go of the heavy burden of being wronged. By shifting your perspective on a situation, you can find the agency to release the pain and find inner peace. This journey requires self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness.

Never forget that forgiveness is for you and you alone. Consider writing a personal note as a powerful reminder of your commitment to self-care. Start your path towards liberation and experience the transformative power of forgiveness.

Feel Envious, Try Being Grateful.

Discover the power of gratitude to transform your perspective. Instead of feeling envious, shift your focus towards appreciating what you already have. By nurturing a grateful mindset, you can find contentment in your own life and genuinely celebrate the achievements of others. Gratitude goes beyond mere thankfulness; it is about experiencing a deeper sense of appreciation and contentment. Release the burden of jealousy and choose freedom. It's not about excusing those who have wronged you, but about liberating yourself from the weight of carrying that pain.

When Fearful, choose Confidence.

When our fears consume us, they can hinder our progress and hinder our ability to fully enjoy life. However, we have the power to regain control and experience the happiness and fulfillment we deserve. By setting achievable goals aligned with our aspirations, we can build confidence and momentum to tackle even bigger challenges. It's important to acknowledge and embrace our strengths, as they can empower us and boost our self-assurance. Let go of fear and embrace the power of confidence.

When There is Hate, Choose Love.

Hate - a consuming, destructive emotion that traps individuals in a cycle of stress, anger, and resentment. But love, oh love, has far-reaching benefits that outweigh hate in every way.

First, love encompasses positive emotions like joy, compassion, empathy, and kindness. These emotions promote happiness, well-being, and a sense of connection with others. In contrast, hate brings anger, resentment, and hostility, breeding personal and societal disharmony.

Furthermore, love fosters healthy relationships by promoting understanding, respect, and communication. It builds strong bonds with family, friends, and partners. Hate, on the other hand, erects barriers, erodes trust, and irreparably damages relationships.

Love also brings forth empathy and compassion, allowing us to understand and share the feelings of others. It unifies us, creating a supportive environment. Hate, however, lacks empathy and compassion, leading to aggression, discrimination, and harm.

Embracing love inspires personal growth, opening us up to new experiences, challenges, and perspectives. It encourages open-mindedness, adaptability, and a willingness to learn. Hate, on the contrary, restricts growth with rigid beliefs and resistance to change.

Most importantly, love has the power to bring positive change to the world. Acts of love, kindness, and compassion create a ripple effect, inspiring others and fostering an inclusive and harmonious environment. Hate, on the other hand, breeds negativity, conflict, and division, inflicting harm on individuals and communities.

Choosing love doesn't mean turning a blind eye to injustice or harmful behavior. In fact, love involves setting boundaries, speaking up for what is right, and promoting justice and equality. It's about fostering a mindset of understanding, empathy, and bridge-building, rather than perpetuating division and hatred.

So, when faced with hate, let us choose love and embark on a transformative journey towards a brighter, kinder, and more connected world.

Happy Holidays

As we navigate the holiday season, let us shift our perspective from the material to the mindful, from presents to presence. Cultivating emotional intelligence invites us to embrace the true essence of these festive moments—connection, gratitude, and the joy of shared experiences. In choosing presence over presents, we gift ourselves and our loved ones the invaluable treasures of time, attention, and genuine connection. May this holiday season be a celebration not just of the tangible, but of the intangible—the warmth of hearts, the beauty of shared laughter, and the profound joy found in being truly present with one another. Wishing you a season filled with love, connection, and the magic that comes from embracing the gift of now.

By Colleen Reilly, Contributor