
Jess Cording, Contributor
Jan. 3, 2025
How many times have you set a goal because you felt it was the right thing to focus on, or you felt pushed to do so, when really, your soul was calling out for something different? Or what about those ambitious goals you’ve been too scared to pursue? The ones that take a backseat in service to safer goals that you know you can meet but which maybe don’t feel as satisfying as you’d like them to? How would it feel to stop playing small and level up your goal setting?

Big, courageous goals have the power to change your life and help you flourish.
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Caroline Adams Miller, MAPP, is the bestselling author of Big Goals, Creating Your Best Life and Getting Grit. “A big goal,” she explains, “is something that is meaningful to you, and that you are passionate about pursuing because it represents the positive future you are seeking to attain.”
Pursuing big goals, she adds, can help you thrive and live a fulfilling life. “Thousands of studies have shown that a flourishing life is marked by efforts to go outside one’s comfort zone to have ‘mastery’ experiences that are connected with our dreams. When we go after challenging and specific goals, it’s been found that we always have our best outcomes, and that’s how we build authentic self-esteem and confidence. More recent findings have also found that being in a flourishing emotional state is what always precedes success with goals in all areas of life, because those emotions create the mindset and behaviors of optimism, zest and wellbeing that make it more likely that we can succeed in anything.”
Why we focus so much on what we fear
If you’re letting fear stop you from setting big goals, you’re note alone. Women’s Leadership Coach, Speaker and Author of The Courage Gap: 5 Steps to Braver Action, says that we need to take an honest look at where our fear is coming from. “Fear is hardwired into us as humans—it’s a survival mechanism designed to keep us safe. Yet our brains have not evolved as fast as the world we’re living in. With that, our fear is often working against us, driving up anxiety and making us live ‘too’ safely - overestimating danger and underestimating our ability to handle it. Yet, fear is not the enemy—it’s how we manage our fear that matters.”
She encourages shifting your mindset to look at fear as “an ally and catalyst for stepping forward more bravely in our careers and our lives. Once we realize fear is just a signal—not a stop sign—we can redirect our energy toward the possibilities that lie beyond it.”
Miller also points out that the COVID-19 pandemic has shifted our approach to setting and achieving goals, whether we’re conscious of the change or not. “Similar to the period after the Bubonic Plague pandemic in the Middle Ages, when the ways in which people lived and worked changed because of the social upheaval and extreme loss of life, our world is shifting toward a similar ‘Renaissance.’ Out of the necessity resulting from population loss, technological advances, and innovative breakthroughs, we must now learn new ways to succeed. Very few professions are operating in the same ways as five years ago, so adopting a learning goal mindset of curiosity, patience and humility around the accomplishment of our goals is necessary.”

Rather than setting a goal based on what you think you should want, experts recommend tapping in to what you truly want to achieve.
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Courageous goal-setting
Not sure if you’re ready to set big goals? Rachel Hollis, author of What If YOU Are the Answer? , says, “The biggest sign you’re ready to level up in your life and career is when you’re gotten to a place you once dreamed of being, but it’s starting to feel a bit stale. You can’t help but wonder… what else am I capable of?”
Don’t limit yourself to what you think you’re supposed to want, Dr. Warrell recommends. “Give yourself permission to dream… really big. As women, we often sell ourselves short by setting our sights on what we think we ‘should’ do versus what we truly want to do.”
“There are all sorts of philosophies about goal setting but if you ask me, great goals always have three elements,” Hollis shares. “First, a goal needs to be relevant to you . Working on yourself is challenging and you’re far more likely to achieve your goal if you actually really want it. Second, a goal needs to be a realistic reach . If it’s too unrealistic you’ll get discouraged and quit. If it’s too easy, you won’t be challenged and therefore won’t experience the pride of having worked for something and actually achieved it. So, choose things that you’re 80% sure you can achieve with some effort. The 20% deficit is what will keep you excited and pushing yourself to see what’s possible. Third, a great goal setter will only choose goals that can be achieved with a roadmap ! I’m a big believer that we can achieve just about anything in life, but it helps if you aim at goals that can be broken into smaller pieces and achieved bit by bit.”
Dr. Warrell encourages asking yourself powerful questions, such as “What would I love to do if I knew I couldn’t fail?” or “Ten years from now, what would the wildest and most inspiring life look like?”
Then reflect on those questions. “Write down your thoughts in as much detail as you can,” she suggests. “And if putting pen to paper makes you a little nervous, treat that as a sign that you’re on the right path. As I wrote in The Courage Gap , sometimes our dreams are really bold because our potential is really great! The very act of writing something down gives you clarity on the direction you need to move and the first steps you can take. You don’t need to see them all, just the next one immediately ahead.”
And if the idea of working towards that big goal kind of makes you want to vomit, this is totally normal, says Dr. Warrell. “ Big goals often feel overwhelming because we focus on the entire journey – and on the size of the gap between where we are and where we want to be - rather than the first step immediately in front of us. To shift your mindset, break your goal into smaller, actionable steps. Focus on progress, not perfection and embrace those feelings of discomfort as a cue to move forward not to escape. Celebrate milestones along the way and imagine how you will feel when you’ve reached the next one.”

Breaking big goals into smaller steps helps make them feel more achievable.
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Coping with fear of failure
If you’re bumping up against fear of failure, says Hollis, ask yourself this: Are you afraid of failing at the goal or are you afraid of “them” watching you fail?
“We typically think that we lack courage, when really, we lack the confidence to face other people’s opinions. 99% of people, when prompted, will admit that they’re actually just afraid of what other people will think of them. When you look at it like that, you (hopefully) realize how much power you’re giving away to other people.” She encourages thinking about what your 90-year-old self would think of you not pursuing your dreams because you were scared of what a particular person would think. “If 90-year-old-you wouldn’t want Pam keeping you from fulfilling your destiny, then why are you letting her opinion hold you back today?”
If fear of roadblocks makes goal-setting feel daunting, shift how you view those barriers. Mindfully responding to setbacks can also help you continue to move forward when something doesn’t go as planned. “Setbacks are part of any meaningful journey,” says Dr. Warrell, “but how we respond to them makes all the difference. First, acknowledge the emotions you’re feeling—whether it’s disappointment, frustration, or fear. Give yourself the grace to feel them without judgment while also learning whatever lessons the experience holds for you. Then, reset your focus on what you can control and the next best action. Ask yourself, ‘What’s the next best step I can take?’ Learning how to fail well is crucial to closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be. So reset your relationship to failure and each time you do, reframe it as the perfect opportunity for you to grow into an even braver version of yourself.”
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