Check Please! The New Rules of Paying for Dinner

Even an enjoyable, fun, amiable dinner with family or friends can suddenly take an awkward turn when the check hits the table—especially these days.

While apps like Venmo, Cashapp and SplitWise have made dividing the bill and paying your share easier than ever, the etiquette around splitting the check is constantly evolving. Inflation and social media have led to subtle but important changes in expectations about who pays and how. Add in differing generational attitudes about money and the latest etiquette can be difficult to parse. 

“Etiquette evolves based on what’s going on in our society,” says Jodi R.R. Smith, founder of Boston-based Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. Take tipping, for instance. During pandemic lockdowns many of us were happy to tip extra to keep businesses afloat or show appreciation for front-line workers. “Many of us started tipping where we wouldn’t tip and overtipping where we already did tip,” Smith says.  

Meanwhile, a recent survey conducted by polling firm OnePoll found that one-third of Americans don’t want to divide a dinner bill evenly if some guests ordered more expensive dishes than others. People who may have been happy splitting a bill down the middle in the past may be feeling pinched with prices rising in recent years—the cost of food away from home rose 4.2% between March 2023 and March 2024, a much higher growth rate than overall inflation. And a TikTok-fueled trend called “loud budgeting” involves being transparent about plans that don’t fit within your financial goals—meaning people may be more likely to speak up. 

To help you avoid breaches of etiquette and too much social discomfort, Buy Side talked to social protocol and etiquette experts from around the country about the best practices when it comes to paying for dinner in 2024. 

When to split the bill evenly

Generally, if you go out with a group of friends with comparable financial situations, you can assume you’ll all be splitting the bill evenly, Smith says. 

In those cases, everyone can pay in cash, or one person can front the bill and everyone can pay them back using an app like Venmo. (Remember that the time to do this is at the table—not a week later.) You can also use a bill-splitting app like SplitWise, which allows multiple people to add expenses and does the math on how much each person owes. This is especially useful if you’re on a trip together and will incur a number of shared expenses. 

When to divide the bill unevenly 

But maybe it’s known within your friend group that guests have widely varying incomes—or perhaps “some people like to eat lobster and drink Champagne while others stick to burgers and beer,” says Pamela Eyring, president of the Protocol School of Washington in Washington, D.C. 

In that case, it can be best to divide the check based on what people order. The same applies for a group consisting of both drinkers and nondrinkers. “If people are ordering multiple $15 cocktails, that’s not really fair to the nondrinkers,” says Eyring. 

Whatever your group decides to do, the most important thing is that you establish how the bill will be divided ahead of time, Smith says. The moment to figure it out isn’t when the check hits the table. That’s just awkward. Some dining-out situations might require clarification up front so that everyone understands exactly what they’re getting into. 

If your group has decided to divide the bill based on what people order, one method is to request separate checks for each person so you’re not stuck doing math at the table. Smith says that many servers will be happy to accommodate this, so long as you ask at the start of a meal, since lower bills often lead to higher tip percentages. (It’s also easy enough with the hand-held devices that are commonly used in many places for ordering these days.) 

If your server balks, or if separate checks aren’t a common practice where you live, another option is having one person pay—perhaps someone working toward a credit-card sign-up bonus or have a great dining-rewards card—and using an app for the math. Several apps, including one called Plates by SplitWise and one called Splyt, allow you to scan the check and assign dishes to each diner. Many food delivery apps now offer group ordering as well. 

When to pay in full

When it comes to not dividing the check, some cases are still straightforward. If older relatives like aunts or uncles get dinner with their college-aged niece or nephew, for example, it can generally be assumed that the older relatives are paying. 

If it’s a business dinner, whoever does the asking does the paying, says Smith—unless you’re two equals who met at a conference and decided to get lunch, in which case you can each pay your own way. 

On a date, the person who does the asking does the paying as well, says Smith. “The gender of the asker and gender of the askee are irrelevant,” she says. “The person who plans pays.” 

Americans’ views on who should pay on a date are complicated and sometimes contradictory. In a recent survey 65% of respondents said if someone asked them out on a date, they would expect that asker to pay. However, 72% of people said that in a heterosexual couple, the man should pay on the first date. The correct answer for you may depend on the circumstances and the message you hope to send.

When to speak up

In some cases, you might need to speak up early to avoid uncomfortable situations later on. Say it’s understood that you’ll all be splitting the check evenly, but someone at the table suggests ordering a high-end bottle of wine. In that case, it’s fair to call attention to it. 

Eyring advises making a joke of it: “Look at them, smile and say, ‘You’re covering that, right?’” Another option is to tell the person that you’re all set with your beverage, but they can go ahead and open a separate tab for the wine if they’d like, says Smith. “People can’t take advantage of you without you allowing them to.”

And, if dinner doesn’t fit within your budget, don’t feel pressured to go. “If it’s a group you’re close with, offer some alternatives,” says Diane Gottsman, founder of the Protocol School of Texas. “You’re speaking openly about what you’re trying to do financially without making anyone else feel uncomfortable.”